I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
