I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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