Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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