if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
