So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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