i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
