all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
