I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My penis needs a shock collar
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
