Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
