the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
