the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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