All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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