She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
