possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
