Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
