I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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