I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
