I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
