I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
