4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
