I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
