why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
