my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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