Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
40s are totally the cure
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
so much tequila, so little girl.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
