we have pet lesbian snakes
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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