Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
