So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
