What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
