Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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