Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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