First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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