You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
