Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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