Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
