i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
