Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
