i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
