Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
