Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I want her autograph on my taint
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
