if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Randomize
