She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
