Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
