how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
