drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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