Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
