so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
