So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
