So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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