what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
