I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
