Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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