I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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