I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
