he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
