Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
