zippers are such a cool invention
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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