so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
