Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
