He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
