Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize