yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Michael Bay diarrhea
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
