how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
