i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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