you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
