I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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