I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
