I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
