Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
