I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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