how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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